Callie Gesels

So, dit het toe gebeur soos ons almal verwag het. Die ANC het toe gewen met twee turds. (JZ en JuJu)

A man boarded an aircraft in New York and took his seat. As he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight towards his seat and, Bingo! She took the seat right beside him.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in France."

He swallowed hard. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, what's your business role at this convention?

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he smiled, "What myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that black men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Red Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Indian descent. We have found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Afrikaners."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, I really shouldn't be discussing this with you; I don't even know your name.

"Running Bear," the man said...."Running Bear Naidoo, but my friends call me Frik."

I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up.
She said she wanted to be President some day.
Both of her parents, ANC supporters, were standing there, so I asked her,
“If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?”
She replied, “I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.”
Her parents smiled hugely.

“Wow...what a worthy goal.” I told her,
“But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that.
You can come over to my house for a morning and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you R50.
Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the R50 to use toward food and a new house.”

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked:
“Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the R50?”

I said, “Welcome to the Democratic Alliance.”
Her parents still aren't speaking to me.

(Thanks HJ)

Daar is n paar nuwe t-shirts by hayibu.com. Hier is een van die nuwes. Gaan check die res uit! My Malema tshirt wat ek by hulle gekry het is awesome. Hy laat die koppe draai!

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favourite scones.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon ......

Fuck off', she said, 'they're for the funeral!'

Hulle kan sê wat hulle wil, Zuma bly n krimineel! n Fucked up justice system maak nie n mens n beter persoon nie!

Cape Town - A local ANC leader was caught with 2 474 fresh abalone outside Hermanus on Monday morning, after a short chase in a vehicle covered with stickers of the ruling party and its leader, Jacob Zuma.
The vehicle was on its way to Hermanus from Gansbaai when it was forced off the road by Marine and Coastal Management (MCM) officials and the police, according to Janine van der Riet of the Hermanus Times.

Kry die res hier.

Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML

Jy kan meer hier kry.

Ek is bly, want sy trek doos lelike klere aan in haar music videos! Even haar man het haar gelos oor daai spandex gym kak wat sy altyd dra! Hulle kan sê wat hulle wil, ek weet dis die ware rede! En om nie eers te praat van daai kabalah kak nie! Dis jammer hulle kon nie n rooi toutjie om hulle nekke dra nie! Sal like om hulle so bietjie te wurg!

Hierdie is een van my gunsteling dae! Hoekom? Want soos enige ander ou hou ek van boobs - alle boobs! Ok alles behalwe piesang tieties. Daai goed kan n man sy "eetlus" laat verloor!

Ek hoop ek kan bietjie aan iemand se boobs vat vandag. Of ek wens iemand druk hulle boobs in my gesig, Dit sal awesome wees. Ek like boobs...

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NEW YORK (AP) — Seven students have been punished for violating the code of conduct at Oprah Winfrey's school for disadvantaged girls in South Africa, the second controversy to hit the fledgling institution since it opened in 2007. Winfrey representative Don Halcombe said Wednesday that four students were expelled and three were suspended last week from her Leadership Academy for Girls outside Johannesburg.
Halcombe declined to say what led to the violations because there are minors involved. Lisa Halliday, a spokeswoman for the academy's foundation, said it was a confidential school matter and would not "confirm any personal information or disclose any details related to these expulsions."

Jy kan die res hier kry.

Ek wet jou dis nou weer iets siek, dis al hoekom hulle nie wil sê nie! Ek ruik n rot!

Press Barack Obama het vir die Queen Of England n iPod gegee. Het julle mos gesê Apple se produkte is awesome - fit for a queen

Ek het n nuwe domestic worker gekry, my ou een se dogter. Haar naam is Gugu. Ek het haar nog nie gesien nie, maar ek like haar. Baie goeie werk gedoen vir haar eerste dag. Ek hoop net sy hou so aan!

Onthou om die krieket te kyk, want dit gaan awesome wees. Ek het julle mos gesê oor daai T20 bedryf. Dit was befok. As jy die datums en tye en what not wil hê, click hier. En kry vir jou regte DSTV met Supersport! (Hint hint Charles)

My sussie het gister n nuwe bladjie oorgeslaan. Good riddance of bad rubbish! Eks bly vir haar.

Die COPE manne hardloop almal weer terug na die ANC toe - losers!

Ek hoor ook Jacobs Koffie is op special by Checkers...

Ek sit toe sommer gister aand daar in die kuierplek en maak n paar notas op my foon. Toe ek vanoggend weer daar deur lees, val ek amper op my rug! Lyk asof ek gister aand besete was! Shoe! Lyk my die mense het my bietjie kwaad gemaak.

Lang storie kort, ons birthday party het begin in die big W (Witbank) en weer geeindig in die Burg.
Die gebeure gaan as volg opgebreek word:

Die big W
Die trip terug
Die watergat

Die big W was n groot fokop. Ek weet, ek weet, as n mens stupid is moet jy nie moan daaroor nie. Om dit mooi te stel, die tafel langs ons was gevul met allerhande soorte tapits! Die overall en safety boot tipe. Die heeltemal te veel make-up tipe. Die heeltemal te min make-up tipe, en natuurlik die plain en simple lelike tipe.
Nie lank na my eerste koue een nie, begin die manne mekaar aanvat en dis n gestamp en gestoot. My tafel is naturlik dumbstruck en sit met piering oe en kyk, nou en dan giggle iemand, seker ook maar net omdat hulle nervous is. 2 Tafels verder begin n tafel vol ou oomies hulle ook te chirp, en mnr overall broek like dit toe nie kwaai nie en wil sommer die hele restaurant plat slaan.
Ek order toe natuurlik n stuk malva poeding wat verseker gesponsor was deur Michelin of Goodyear! Met ander woorde, fokken sleg en sal verseker hoer hop as daai 2 rand rubber balletjies in die gumball machine! Daai kak word toe terug gestuur! Hulle kom toe na seker n half uur later terug (Die waiter se naam is REMEMBER, wat sy duidelik nie kon doen nie – het haar herdoop as FORGETFULL) en sê dis hoe hulle malva proe. Fokkit! Ek haat hierdie plek met n passie. (Onthou my dat ek later by Woolworths uitkom, hulle malva is die shit!)

Ek sou gelike het om te kon sê die pad terug was rustig, maar dit was nie. Dit was 4 mense wat almal gedink het hulle karre is die vinnigste en dat hulle dit moet bewys. Gelukkig het alles goed afgeloop (Behalwe dat ek amper die tollgate fucked up gery het)en ons was chop-chop terug in die burg (Ek hoop nie ek kry iets in die pos nie, want hulle gaan my verseker kom bopa!)

Die watergat was nou weer n fokop op sy eie. Die musiek is kak (Maar die mense like dit) en die drank is sleg! Ek sal jou aanraai om altyd iets wat uit n geseelde bottel of blik kom te order. My keuse – koue Amstel.
Die shooters word definitief gemeng met spirits, mediese alkahol of cutex remover. Fokken sleg! En glo my,dit fok jou konstitusie op. Ek post van die troon af! (Ha ha, nie rerig nie!) Weereens vang ons die jackpot met table allocation en sit langs meneer jan raap met die kortbroek en fokol skoene. WTF bra, hoe werk jou kop? Hierdie is n publieke plek en jy is besig om jou naam weg te bliksem. Die knap het natuurlik vir Mnr L baie afgepis!

Uit die hele experience het ek die volgende geleer:

- Moet nooit Witbank toe gaan nie, en met nooit bedoel ek nie eers al speel die Bulls op die Johan van Riebeeck stadium nie!
- Moet nooit vanaf die 25ste van die maand tot en met die 10de van die daaropvolgende maand na enige pub, bar of restaurant toe gaan nie, en veral nie in Witbank nie! Dit is die tyd waneer die myn manne en fabriek manne hulle geld gaan blaas op n bord chips en fokken baie brannas! En dis die brannas wat hulle almal ewe skielik in superman laat verander.
- Sorg dat jou booze in n geseelde houer kom!
- Koop jou poedings by Woolies.
- Moet nie drink en bestuur nie.
- As jou waiter se naam Remember is, is jy gefok, want haar naam is nie n indikasie van haar mental strength nie, sy lieg vir jou.
- Trek fokken skoene aan jou zefgat!